Less is More

As summer ends and the school year begins, we return to the season of stocking up on school supplies, new clothes, and all the new must have accessories to make life “easier.” We fill up our target carts, receive weekly or daily amazon packages on our front step and sign our children up for sports, dance, tutoring, and clubs.

Eventually, we look up and our calendars are full, our wallets empty and our stress at an all time high. We are inundated with ads telling us we need the latest back to school styles and watch as people around us fall into the same routine as years before.

As the fall season kicks into gear, we have the chance to reflect back on 2020 when we had an opportunity to slow down and do less. We were provided a gift of slower pace and empty space as the world closed down and forced us to slow down. Although the last year and a half has been challenging and full of loss, we can take with us the gift of less being more.  

Less on our schedules allows more quality time with our children, partners, and friends. Less items in our carts allows for deeper engagement with what we have. Less gadgets in our homes allows for less time managing things and more time doing what we love.

We have the chance to do back-to-school differently this year and set a slower, healthier pace for the next 9 months.  As the summer comes to an end and the weather cools down, I encourage you to find the joy and beauty in less.

 Written by: Denise Migliorini, LCSW-C

All about Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a comprehensive cognitive behavioral therapy that can be effective in treating a variety of problems including suicidal thinking, self-injurious behaviors, depression, impulsive behaviors, and substance use. DBT emphasizes that we need to learn more adaptive skills to replace the behaviors that are not serving us and to address the problems that are causing difficulty in our lives. 

DBT is derived from the philosophical process of dialectics: the balancing of opposites. Therapists who practice DBT form a therapeutic alliance and cultivate healing through dialectically balancing acceptance with change strategies.  DBT emphasizes an accepting, non-judgmental, and validating approach to clients. Therapists utilizing a DBT approach strive to understand their client’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors make sense given the context of their unique situation. 

DBT can be practiced in individual and group settings and is largely skills-based. Standard DBT contains four modules: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. As with any new skill, these skills often require a lot of practice. Let’s start here!

Mindfulness Skills: Mindfulness skills teach us how to observe and experience reality as it is, to be less judgmental, and to live in the moment with effectiveness.   

• Walking Down the Spiral Stairs: Imagine that within you is a spiral staircase, winding down to your very center. Starting at the top walk very slowly down the staircase, going deeper and deeper within yourself. Notice the sensations. Rest by sitting on a step, or turn on the lights on the way down if you wish. Do not force yourself to go further than you want to go. Notice the quiet. As you reach the center of your self, settle your attention there—perhaps in your gut or abdomen. 

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills: Interpersonal Effectiveness skills help us to manage interpersonal conflicts effectively and maintain and improve relationships with other people. 

• Keeping Respect for Yourself (FAST): 

(Be) Fair- Be fair to yourself and to the other person. Remember to validate your own values and wishes as well as the other persons. 

(No) Apologies- Don’t over apologize. No apologizing for making a request, having an opinion, or disagreeing. 

Stick to Values- Don’t sell out your values and/or integrity.

(Be) Truthful- Don’t lie. Don’t act helpless when you’re not. Don’t exaggerate and make up excuses. 

Emotional Regulation: Emotion Regulation Skills help us to manage emotions.

• Taking Care of Your Mind and Taking Care of Your Body (PLEASE): 

PL: Treat Physical Illness- Tale care of your body. See a doctor when necessary. Take Prescribed Medication

E: Balance Eating

A: Avoid Mood-Altering Substances

S: Balance Sleep- 7-9 hours of sleep each night

E: Get Exercise- Try to build up to 20 minutes of daily exercise

Distress Tolerance: Distress Tolerance skills help us to learn to tolerate and survive crisis without making things worse.

• Changing Body Chemistry with TIP Skills

T: Tip the Temperature- use cold water to change emotions

I: Intense Exercise

P: Paced Breathing and Paired Muscle Relaxation

(Linehan, 2015). 

Written by Kimberly Bonsiero, LCSW-C

Read more about Kim HERE.

Summertime and The Living Is Easy

Summer calls us to get outside and have fun. Thankfully, we can do that this summer after a very strange 2020. Even the cicadas have gone, leaving us with the peace and quiet of a summer morning. We want to encourage you to embrace this summer as a time for restoration and renewing resilience. The stress and challenges of dealing with pandemic changes and adjustments has taken a toll on all of us. Here are some suggestions for practices of Easy Living this summer which will be restorative for you.

1. Start and end your day with 10 conscious breaths. Take a slow and deep inhale and a long, deep exhale. Repeat 10 times. Feel the movement of the breath in the lower belly. Carry the stillness into your day, or into your sleep.

2. Becoming more aware of the senses is very restorative and summer is a sensuous picnic. Draw in all of the lush colors of green surrounding you outdoors. Notice the fragrances in the morning air. Feel the touch of a breeze on your skin. And, then all those delicious tastes of summer, enjoy the sweet cold of watermelon, the crunch of corn on the cob, or ice cream melting in your mouth.

3. the body loves to move, make sure you enjoy time in movement everyday. If you are not ready for vigorous exercise take a walk, lay on a mat and see how the body would like to stretch or put on some music and get your dancing shoes moving

4. Make sure you don’t miss the opportunity to float this summer. Whether in the pool, the lake, the ocean, enjoy the complete letting go of being held in the buoyancy of the water.

We wish you a fabulous summer of restoration and renewal.

To you on Mother’s Day…

To the new moms struggling with sleepless nights and finding their new identity.

To the seasoned moms working hard to keep it all together.  

To the mothers who have lost children, those met and unmet.  

To those who have lost their mother and feel lost in a world without them.  To those who have no relationship with their mother, chosen by them or chosen for them.  To those who have chosen not to be mothers and fight the societal norm every day.  To those who long to be mothers and count the months and days to “try again.” 

To those who suffer with infertility & secondary infertility and face the guilt & shame, and  feelings of failing as a woman. 

I see you; I hear you, and I want you to know… You are not alone.  

Despite the positive narrative of Mother’s Day, it is important to remember that this  holiday has so many emotional layers beneath the surface. These emotions are sensitive  and run deep as the feelings of sadness, anger, profound grief, and jealousy are so easily  triggered.  

For many, Mother’s Day is a reminder of what never was or what no longer is. Some are  struggling with their new identity as a mother, as motherhood changes you in profound  ways. Some have endured the immense pain of losing a child and many have experienced  the deep loss of their own mother. Some disregard Mother’s Day with the experience of  dysfunction and traumatic abuse from their mothers failing them at a young age. And many have experienced the journey to motherhood with struggles of infertility and secondary  infertility along the way.  

So, on this Mother’s Day here is an invitation to you… 

• Take care of yourself 

  • Think of whatever you need to get through this day – And give  yourself permission to do just that. Very often, women put others before themselves. Today, hold no obligation to anyone, but you.

• Practice self-love and self-compassion 

  • Check the inner critic at the door. Any negative thoughts that come up,  any thoughts about your shortcomings, feelings of inadequacy… acknowledge them and move on.  

• Respect and validate your feelings

  • The feelings you experience are difficult and real. Create a sacred  space for these feelings to exist and care for these feelings gently. 

• Take a break from social media 

  • Disconnect for the day (or two) and protect your heart from triggering  pictures and posts.  

• Ask for what you need  

  • Do not be afraid to ask for what you need. Need to sleep? Need some  space? Need a good distraction? Need a hug? Being mindful of your  needs, and your needs only, and be direct with yourself and those around you . 

And for those in supportive roles, wondering how to navigate this day… 

• Listen  

  • Show up in the quiet, be present, and be attentive. Listen with  compassion and an open heart and let them know their feelings are  heard. 

• Do not assume… 

  • It is okay to want to be mindful and possibly feel the need to avoid the  topic of Mother’s Day all together but provide those the opportunity and permission to decline invitations and conversations. Give room  for those to make their own decision on their tolerance of the holiday.  

• Ask them what they need 

  • Ask them what they need from you… Do they need space? Do they  need frequent check ins? What can you do to help? 

• Leave the advice at the door 

  • Being present and engaging in active listen, refrain from using  statements like, “At least…” and “Be grateful…” Offer compassion, tell  them you love them, and validate their feelings. 

In conclusion, I leave you with this: 

For anyone out there who needs to hear this… You are not alone. Your feelings are  normal. And every day is a journey, despite the road you are on. Let us be mindful on this  day and always.  

“The only thing worthy of you is compassion – invincible, limitless, unconditional.” -Thich Nhat Hanh  

*This post is in no way to take away from the joy and all the good that comes from  Motherhood – but to offer some mindfulness to Mother’s Day as a whole. 
Written by: Nina Davey, LCPC, ATR-BC

Stress. What do you do about it?

April is National Stress Awareness month. As we mark one year since life, as we knew it, came to a pause, there is no better time to reflect on the stress we’ve endured personally and collectively and find some new ways to manage stress. For many, the stress before the pandemic was exhausting enough. The added pandemic stress, relationship stress, financial stress, increased isolation, work stress, national upheaval…and overall traumatic stress of living through a pandemic may have felt, at times, unmanageable and unbearable. In times of stress, you may notice that you act on urges and impulses that take you away from who you are and the present moment. Here are some stress reduction tips and tricks our therapists use to help their clients manage stress more effectively.

1. Stay attentive to the body’s experience. This is where stress exists. This might include doing a body scan visualization while breathing into areas of tension or tightness. Pause and take a moment to just notice where you are in time and space.

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercises are a great way to destress. Click HERE for the script.

3. Get outside for at least 15 minutes each day. Get out into nature (take a walk, hike, sit outside, do some gardening).

4. Daily “Brain Dump” Journal for 15 minutes.

5. Art Journaling – spend 10-15 minutes drawing. Pay attention to what comes up and allow it to guide you.

6. Stress Scribbling – Think about the stressor(s) and notice how your body feels. Draw a scribble that represents the stress and then continue scribbling for 15-30 seconds. Notice how you feel after scribbling. This can be repeated until you notice a change to the feeling. 

7. Go back to the basics! This may include eating food that makes you feel good, drinking water, getting enough sleep, moving your body in a way that feels positive (stretching, walking, etc.), taking care of illness.

8. Aroma Therapy- this may include essential oils or candles that are relaxing like lavender. 

9. Review boundaries and set them as needed

10. Set a timer to remind you to take breaths each hour.

It may take some experimenting to find what works best for you. Studies suggest that focusing on stress reduction strategies for 5-20 minutes daily or in small increments of time reduces overall stress and feelings of overwhelm with time.