Mindfulness Magic

The skill of mindfulness is not complicated and is in fact a capacity all of us have, but it must be recognized and practiced. The simplest definition of mindfulness is that it is the ability to observe our own thinking and experience. The busy mind is prone to thinking all the time, but we have the internal ability to step back from thinking and observe it at work. So, if my thinking mind has taken off again with its habit of following a “What if” thought, like what if my boss is thinking I didn’t do the job, or what if I don’t have enough money this month, there is part of us that can step back and see “there is that worry again.”

The more time we spend practicing observing the less time we spend captured or fused with our thoughts. This is called dis-identification. When we can dis-identify with thoughts we may be able to see the thought for what it is. We may be able to discern truth instead of just buying into what thinking has to say. So, from the observer standpoint I could see that the worry about money is coming up again and I could also observe that there was enough money last month, or the boss gave me a positive evaluation a couple weeks ago.

Sometimes it takes some practice to disengage from thinking and assume the position of the observer. A simple mindfulness practice is to close the eyes, bring your attention inside, and focus your attention on the movement of breath in the body. You can notice the rise and fall of the chest, the expansion and contraction of the ribcage, the rise and fall of the belly. As you attend to the breath, you can count the breaths saying to yourself, “10, breath in, 10, breath out, continue counting down for 10 breaths. Notice the stillness in the mind, the relaxation in the body, and notice yourself as the observer who is aware of this experience.

The magic that is produced with mindfulness expands the more we do it and includes no longerbeing a victim of every thought we have, reducing fear, enjoying periods of stillness and quiet, and developing a new standpoint of wisdom and discernment. As you stand in the observer standpoint you are also increasing positive biochemistry in the nervous system and decreasing harmful biochemistry. This can affect your health, your sleep, and your experience of joy and pleasure in positive ways.

Four Tips to Improve Your Intimate Relationship

February 2020 In the film ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ the main character tells a story about her friend Deborah: “Deborah, a psychologist, was asked by the city of Philadelphia if she could offer psychological counseling to a group of Cambodian refugees, ‘boat people’ who had recently arrived in the city. Deborah was daunted by the task. These Cambodians had suffered genocide, starvation, witnessed relatives murdered before their eyes, spent years in refugee camps, and endured heroic boat trips to the west. How could she relate to their suffering? How could she help these people?” The main character who plays Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of the book ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ went on to say that the Cambodian people wanted to talk with her friend Deborah, the psychologist, not about the trauma and suffering they had experienced as result of fleeing their country, but about their love relationships. They wanted to talk about the love they had found, the love they had lost, and the love they were missing and wanted back…all about a special guy or girl whom they couldn’t stop thinking about. Elizabeth Gilbert found herself thousands of miles away from home going to talk to a medicine man about the very same issue: her love life.

Why is it that so many people are consumed with their love relationship? These relationships touch a very deep place within us. The concerns seem to fall into three categories:

-People who have had their heart broken by someone they love and just can’t seem to recover.

-People who are in a relationship currently and are concerned that the relationship is not working.

-People who are looking to find the right person with whom to spend their lives.

In this blog posting I would like to focus on some tips for those who are in a current relationship and feel that it is not working. In future blog postings, I would like to address more tips for current relationships, as well as tips for those who are trying to get over a past relationship, and tips for those who are looking for the right person to be with.

So, here goes:

Tips for Improving Your Current Love Relationship

1. Be willing to listen. Try to hear what your partner is telling you when he/she speaks. Pause. Don’t think about what you are going to say next, just listen. Let your partner know what you think they are saying. Let them tell you if you heard it accurately or if there is something they need to clarify. Stay calm.

2. Provide safety for your partner. Remember that you are both on the same side ultimately. Your partner is not your enemy. Your partner is your friend. How can you speak to your partner in a way that allows them to feel respected and not attacked? When either of you escalate, the discussion is over for the moment and needs to resume later after a cooling off period.

3. Laugh together. Remember when you met your partner and you had countless moments together talking and making each other laugh? Where did that go? Bring the humor back into the relationship. You may have to work hard to find it again, but you will.

4. Devote time to the relationship. You two need time together and without your children or your friends. It may be very difficult if you have children, but it is essential that you make it happen on a regular basis. Get off the sofa or away from the computer. Turn off the cell phone. Think of a creative way to spend time together. Surprise your partner and ask him/her to surprise you. Make it a priority. And make a rule that you won’t talk about your problems on the date.

written by Linda Beam, LCSW-C

January: New Goals, New Ways to Guarantee Success

January: New Goals, New Ways to Guarantee Success January 2020 It’s January! Time to set all the new goals that you’re going to commit to for the next year month! Let’s face it…we set goals in January that we plan to stick to for the year, but by February we’ve either “failed” or forgotten about almost all of them. Why is there such a high rate of “failure” when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions? I have a theory it’s because of these two things:

1 – We’re not honest with ourselves. Maybe we’re not being honest about what we really want to change vs what we feel like we’re supposed to change. Do you really, truly, genuinely want to add exercise to your life, or do you just know you’re “supposed” to? Or maybe we’re not honest with ourselves about what goals are realistic. Have you ever set a goal to add exercise, meditation, healthy food prep, and volunteering into your already-packed schedule, and then wonder why you’re not able to fit everything in?

2 – We spiral into shame at the first “failure.” If we set a goal to go to the gym every Monday, and then we miss the second Monday in January, most of us tend to spiral into negative self-talk and shame (“I knew this wouldn’t last…I can never do this…I’m such a failure…”). Try to think of your goals as an aim that you’re taking, with room for mistakes and blunders. No big deal if you missed a Monday, just try again! All of this is easier said than done, so take your goals with you to your next therapy appointment, and get the support you need to make them work this year (or at least be more gentle and kind to yourself if they don’t!).

Why yoga helps?

When the brain and nervous system are well rested, at ease, and in good balance we can take them for granted.  When the brain and nervous system are not working in good balance, nothing works well.

The impact of yoga on the brain and nervous system is quite profound.  There is considerable research on this topic, but there is some immediate evidence in how different a person feels between the start of yoga session and the end of yoga session.

The elements of yoga that have immediate positive benefit to how we feel are:  focused attention, leaving behind thinking, breathing and metabolic change, and attention to motor movements and body sensations.  Here’s how these help:

Focused attention:  When we have attention focused on one thing the brain shifts into a state of awareness, stillness and integration that is different from a more global state of attention where our brain may be drawing us in several different directions.  This one pointed attention is soothing and restorative to the brain.

Letting go of thinking:  In a usual day our brain drags us around most of the time.  We hear a constant inner dialogue:  hurry up you’re going to be late, don’t forget your car keys, wonder how George is doing, is there enough money in the bank?  All of that can happen in a couple minutes!  When the body is moving in yoga postures and our focus is there, thinking can fall away for awhile.  It is a great relief to the brain and nervous system to have that pause, find a still point, experience just Being rather than thinking.

Breathing and metabolic change:  We can lose track of how fast we are going in the busy activity of our days.  In yoga practice the pace of the breath slows as we bring attention to breath.  The deepening and slowing of the breath releases certain biochemistry in the nervous system that is restorative and brings a sense of peace. 

Attention to motor movements and body sensation:  Over 80% of the signals to the brain are signals about body movement.  Think how many neural messages are required to tell the brain to raise your right hand over your head and reach for the ceiling.  This is going on all day.  When our focus is external our attention to the body and it’s sensation falls away. It is actually very soothing and offers a sense of safety when we focus just on movement and sensation.  Think how good it feels to have a big yawn and stretch.   Imagine how great it feels to sense the cool sheets and warmth of the blankets as you snuggle into bed.  Spending an hour or so focused on movement and sensation during yoga practice is a renewal for the brain as it gets to give its full attention to this.

Gayle Bohlman

Art Therapy and Creative Healing

There is much more to art therapy than simply “drawing your feelings.” Making art in therapy can be a way to achieve personal insight as well as healing. Art therapists are professionally trained to guide people through the creative process in a therapeutic way. According to the American Art Therapy Association, Art therapists elicit their clients’ inherent capacity for art making to enhance their physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

You do not need to be trained or experienced in art to participate in art therapy. Art therapists’ have specialized training in assessing which materials to suggest based on the issues you are facing, or any difficulties that may arise in the creative process. Art therapy can include a wide range of art materials and processes such as, painting, drawing, clay-work, collage, mask making, creating a visual journal, just to name a few. Selection of art materials are often first considered based on a number of factors including but not limited to age, development, fine motor skills, and present issues for seeking therapy. Materials can range from easily controlled, such as drawing materials (colored pencils, markers) and collage images, to extremely wet and difficult to control materials such as watercolor paint, chalk pastels, and sometimes clay. The art therapist will use this continuum to tailor the selection of art materials and experientials to meet the needs of each client.

You are the expert on your own artwork and creative process. The art therapist’s role is to facilitate explorations of your work rather than to analyze or interpret it. Using a variety of approaches, the art therapist will focus on your process of creating, sometimes more so than the finished product.

Here are just a few ways you can benefit from art therapy:

            -Finding safety

            -Foster awareness

            -Empower resilience

            -Manage behavior and addictions

            -Reduce anxiety

            -Reconcile emotional conflict