Coping With Stress in the NICU

By Gina Rossetti, LCSW-C

September is NICU Awareness Month! So with that in mind, I wanted to offer you a few ways to support yourself and others if you ever find yourself or someone you love parenting in the NICU.

My introduction into parenting involved an unexpected and multiple months long stay in the NICU. It was an emotional and eye opening experience in which I had to learn to parent while my baby was hospitalized and while collaborating with a multidisciplinary team of medical professionals. That time was full of hope filled highs (goodbye breathing support!) and exhausting lows (another delayed discharge date). Through that experience, I realized the limited support that exists for NICU families, and it changed my clinical practice forever. 

The NICU stands for Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. It's important to know that families with a baby or babies in the NICU often experience birth trauma. Although this can be related to the birth itself, the trauma can also be associated with conception, pregnancy, and/or postpartum events. We often think of the physical trauma associated with perinatal experiences, but it's important to remember that trauma can also be emotional and psychological. 

Having a baby in the NICU and experiencing birth trauma are both risk factors for postpartum mood disorders. Unfortunately, this makes families with a baby in the NICU at significant risk for anxiety, depression, and post traumatic stress. 

About 10-15% of babies go to the NICU. While babies are in the NICU for many different reasons, the most common are preterm birth, low birth weight, and health concerns that require specialized medical care. This means that parents are typically dealing with many professionals on a daily basis. While these medical professionals are often supportive and trying to be helpful, parents often feel overwhelmed and overstimulated. This makes it especially difficult to develop a parental identity and advocate for themselves and their child. 

A few things to remember:

Although not all families with babies in the NICU experience trauma, the situation is often stressful and parents typically have strong and complex feelings. 

Each parent is likely to deal with the stress and/or trauma differently and may have very different feelings and capacities to cope. 

Grief, guilt, anger, helplessness, sadness, fear, overwhelm, and hope are common feelings in the NICU. It can feel like a rollercoaster for families. 

Ways to help:

Parents often feel like they've lost their peer group because having a baby in the NICU is so different from the typical birth experience. Given this, connecting with other NICU families can be very helpful. This can be done through support groups offered at the hospital or a local therapist. I have one that I offer a few times a year (please reach out if you need support!). 

It is important for parents to take care of themselves and feel supported so that they can care for their baby. Parents should be encouraged to ask for help and/or accept help. This might look like bringing them dinner or sending a gift card for coffee. It could also be listening to them and validating their feelings. It's also so important to encourage parents to take breaks. This may mean taking a walk and leaving the unit at the hospital or taking some time at home to rest and recharge. 

Finding their parental identity and noticing ways they can parent in the NICU is very important. This may look like connecting with their baby through touch or talking to them, advocating for them at the hospital, and reading or singing to them. 

Both birthing parents and non birthing parents need support. It's important to remember that the non birthing parent is also part of the baby's care team and should be considered. Checking in on fathers and other non birth parents is so important. 

Finally, parents and families do not have to do this alone. You can reach out to your support system, staff at the hospital, specialized NICU focused professionals (I recommend Clara at The Baby Barista for lactation services), and mental health therapists for extra support.