The Winter of Listening

As the days get shorter and the weather gets colder, I find myself turning inward more often. As nature retreats from its active, full state into a state of rest and quiet, so do I. Winter provides opportunities to move inward towards the places that call for our presence, nourishment, and care. My favorite times in winter are in the early mornings, just before sunrise. The cold crisp air along with the kind of deep silence that only occurs on these winter mornings offer me solace and many opportunities to turn towards and listen to what is inside. This line in David Whyte’s beautiful poem, The Winter of Listening, speaks to me on these mornings: “Inside everyone is a great shout of joy waiting to be born.” What joy is waiting inside of you to be born? Are you open to slowing down, noticing, and listening to what is inside this winter season?

THE WINTER OF LISTENING

by David Whyte

What is precious

inside us does not

care to be known

by the mind

in ways that diminish

its presence.

What we strive for

in perfection

is not what turns us

into the lit angel

we desire.

What disturbs

and then nourishes

has everything

we need.

What we hate

in ourselves

is what we cannot know

in ourselves but

what is true to the pattern

does not need

to be explained.

Inside everyone

is a great shout of joy

waiting to be born.

And

here

in the tumult

of the night

I hear the walnut

above the child’s swing

swaying

its dark limbs

in the wind

and the rain now

come to

beat against my window

and somewhere

in this cold night

of wind and stars

the first whispered

opening of

those hidden

and invisible springs

that uncoil

in the still summer air

each yet

to be imagined

rose.

Written by: Becky Riley Olin, LCPC, MT-BC

Mental Health Tricks and Treats

Here are a few tips to help you along your healing journey! 

• Watching a scary movie can elicit similar physical sensations in your body to those that you might feel when you’re in real danger (anxiety, panic, tense, etc.). Your body is signaling that you might be in danger, despite the fact that you are safe. Keep in mind that the physical sensations in your body significantly impact your perception of what is happening around you. 

• Have you ever smelled a scent that brought you back to a prior time in your life or triggered a specific memory? Emotions work similarly! Emotions can trigger memories of past experiences that can make you believe that you are currently reliving a similar situation. 

• Often, we communicate our emotions through describing the behavior of another person. Ex: “I feel like you don’t care about me.” In these moments we may feel unsupported, neglected, lonely, etc.  Understanding and sharing the emotions behind these statements can help improve your self-awareness and help navigate conflict. Practice communicating the emotion that you feel when an observable behavior occurs. Ex: “I feel hurt when I notice that you’re on your phone when we’re together.” 

• Many of the behaviors that are unlearned in therapy are deployed to help you avoid uncomfortable emotions. A helpful way to gain insight into which emotions are most difficult for you to feel is to ask the question: What emotions am I unwilling to feel? Shame, guilt, and loneliness are a few of the most common emotions that trigger avoidance.  

• How would I coach my younger self to deal with this emotion? A helpful way to move through difficult emotions is to communicate to yourself as if you were a kid experiencing the emotion for the first time. 

Therapy Myths

Ever wonder if therapy is right for you?

There are many stigmas around therapy and we’re here to debunk some of the myths that often come up!

1. Therapy is only for people with “serious” mental illness.

Therapy is for anyone and everyone - it is a space to explore goals, motivation, barriers to success, and find tools for healing.

2. Therapists tell their clients what to do.

Therapy is collaborative - Therapists assist their clients in finding healthy answers and resolutions that meet their needs.

3. There is a one size fits all modality.

Everyone is unique and everyone has their own personal set of needs. Each person has different experiences and perceptions of their world around them. Clinicians are able to present a variety of different modalities to meet these very specific needs.

4. You will feel better after each session.

Therapy can be hard work with short term discomfort. However, working through this discomfort can build adaptive coping skills in the long run.

5. Therapy implies there is something wrong with you.

Therapy does not have to imply there is an issue or a mental health diagnosis to address. Therapy alone can serve simply as a place of safe, non bias/non-judgmental, communication.

I want EMDR but I’m nervous! What can I expect?

All of the therapists at The Counseling Center are trained in EMDR because it’s an extremely effective treatment for many things, including depression, anxiety, past or recent trauma, or just any general area of life where you feel stuck.  We also understand, though, that it can be really scary to dive deeply into these things.

When you start talking about EMDR Therapy with your therapist, they will first answer any questions you have about it and will give you an understanding about how and why it works.  They will also discuss exactly what an EMDR session looks like so there won’t be any surprises and you’ll know exactly what to expect.  They’ll talk about how you’ll do the bilateral stimulation and have you practice it. Sometimes this is done by moving your eyes back and forth while following a light, and sometimes it’s done by tapping yourself on your shoulders or putting on headphones and listening to beeps.  You’ll also talk in advance about what “target” you’ll start with, which is usually a memory or event related to the issue you’re working on.

Also in preparation, you’ll work with your therapist on coping skills and building resources, so you’ll feel prepared to manage any emotions that might emerge during or after the EMDR sessions.  You and your therapist will talk all along the process about how ready you feel, as well as what skills your therapist thinks will help you tolerate the EMDR.  So no need to worry…by the time you do your first EMDR session, you’ll feel ready!

A few other things that are good to know about EMDR that can help ease your fears:

·      While doing EMDR, you don’t have to talk about the distressing or traumatic memories out loud.  This can be a huge relief to some clients who feel like talking about the trauma will feel too hard.

·      There is no homework with EMDR, nothing that will be required of you to do in between sessions for it to work.

·      EMDR sessions can be done at a pace that works for you, whether that’s speedy or slow and steady.

·      EMDR can be done virtually.  Talk to your therapist about whether this might be a good fit for you if you’re currently doing telehealth sessions.

Please reach out to The Counseling Center if you have any more questions about EMDR Therapy or talk to your therapist about this as an option for you.  

Spring: Honoring A Time of Growth

With spring around the corner, many of us are looking forward to longer days and warmer weather. Spring is a time of rebirth for animals and plants that have been hibernating through the cold days. This season offers us an opportunity to emerge as well with a renewed sense of wonder. With a mindset of growth and awareness, we can enjoy a time of restored energy and connectedness to our physical world.

As the world around us wakes back up from the long winter nap, notice the buds forming on trees outside your window, the sounds of birds singing, and the bright green grass after a spring shower.

These are reminders for us to emerge from hibernation as well. For us to get our bodies moving again, get outside in the sunshine and soak in the energy it provides.

However, just as the flowers close at night, birds quiet in the evening and newborn animals spend time in rest, we must also leave time for rest. This may look like sitting in your yard after cleaning up a garden- noticing the hard work you just completed, admiring an empty laundry basket after you completed a chore, or sitting down for a quiet meal after a long day of work.

Growth does not mean always being productive. It means putting in focused energy then giving our minds and bodies time to rest. As you notice new colors emerge over the next month, remind yourself that even the flowers give time for rest. 

Written by: Denise Migliorini, LCSW-C